i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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