Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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