im having a threesome with these popsicles
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
