He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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