we made out on top of his cat.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
