I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
