I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
