this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Still dying that you shit outside
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize