he shaved USA in his pubs
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
