there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
