We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize