He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
