I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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