"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
