im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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