pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
