i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
