u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She's the barista slut.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
