I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You made out with two different species that night
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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