She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
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Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
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There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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