The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
