So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
