I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
