i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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