I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
