Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
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the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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