6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
