You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
