just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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