If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
