Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
