Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
