i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
