I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
There are leaves in my underwear?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize