Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
