I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
