Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
