I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
