I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
