Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
