hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
