i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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