Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
