Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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