Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
