Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
