Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
