It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Holy shit dude........stairs
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