In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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