I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
