I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
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Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
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Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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