Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
