My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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