note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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