So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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