Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
