so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
They have beer where we have blood.
It's shark week go big or go home
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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