Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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