my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
