Whod you bang
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
