I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
