So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
