3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
