i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
