i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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