Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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