i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Randomize
