We need to start having sex underwater more often.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I believe in your delicious
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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