im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
