I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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