I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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